but now i am cramped with things to do

no time to rest and relax

i just like to be the old me

AND where are u when i need u?

after having so many activities for this stupid holiday

everything seems so tough

even at home

everything just sucks

if i can choose everything all over again

i wish that i wouldnt have tried so hard for everything

end up putting so much burden

so much unhappiness

on my self

whats the point?

making my life more difficult

i get scoldings just because i am saying wad i felt

i say that i;m tired

i say that i have alot of things to do

i say that i attended school everyday

is it worth it or not

working so hard and getting myself hurt and getting all the scoldings in the end

what do i benefit from it?

so why am i working so hard for?

do i continue to be the way i am?

and continue hoping that things will change for the better?

you'll are the ones that doesnt want to trust me

dont let me bring keys out

dont believe what i say at all

and this is wad u called freedom?

NOW i get scoldings just because i reach home and ask ppl to open the door for me

i dont have keys

if i dont ask someone to open for me

how am i going to get into the house?

whats the prob i really dunno

i'm tired not only mentally

but physically

AND mentally

to my mummy:

if u really likes to see me getting scolded by daddy den go ahead

since u're happy with it i got nth to say

i am tired of talking to u

to my daddy:

if u think that i am such an irresponsible person

w/o even hearing what i have to say

u dont trust me there's nth i can do

forget it

to all my good frens out there:

thanks for being with me everytime i'm sad

but this time its gonna be hard

maybe wad i have thought so is true...

2010 will be a sucky year...

ilovemassdance!woots!

u can take it as nothing had happened but i cant....

FINALLY finish this stupid proposal

i fell asleep doing it last night leaving the lights and everything on

woke up after like 4hrs of sleep and continued

maybe we all just live in a totally different world

we do things differently

but that doesnt mean we're not doing anything

u think we dont understand yr council life?

think again!

thats yr cca

its YOUR JOB

NOT ours

now you all are the ones that need our help

and u're showing all your attitudes

COMEON LAH

we have much more things to do than all of you!

at least your still HAVE Time for CHALET

we dont

we gotta attend your cca and trying to uds yr stupid council life

ON TOP OF OUR OWN CCAs and commitments

AND

we still have the finale and our own hse banners to come up with!

do your all uds our life?

NO RIGHT?

then stop trying to say that WE dont uds yr STUPID council life

we have got much more better things to do

WHY NOT

U TRY TO UDS US????

WISHES FOR THE YEAR!

-get B for econs homecoming exam!

-get at least 2 As for block test

-a night out w/o having to go home

-have many many good friends

-more ppl caring for me

-have a nicer and a more peaceful home

-MORE FREEDOM!

-more new clothes

-BE HAPPIER

-BETTER LIFE!

-READY AND PREPARED FOR ALEVELS!!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR WORLD!

got a last min plan today

but i guessed its bcos u have no one to go with u

so ended up with me

can count yrself unlucky?

i dk

i really really feels that 2010 will be a lousy year for me

believe it or not up to u

2009 sucks

and i think 2010 will sucks even more

BUT i still hope everything will change

kill this emo-ness in me now pls

YAY! just home-ed

which is the end of all fun:(

after today tmr will be the beginning of a REAL BAD nightmare

got no plans for tmr yet

so i guess i'll be spending my last min of 2009 and 1st min of 2010 in YISHUN STARBUCKS

wad a sad life:(

meeting 9am tmr

thaats all

off to bath~

i'm so looking forward to tmr..

i should be going to slp by now..

i am VERY VERY tired

i'm late for meeting today but i had alot of fun!

got SUNBURNT!

sometimes i just got pissed off by ppl like u

ask u to come from half a day u cant

u have no responsibility at all

think lah pls

i gt so so so many things to do

dont even have time for myself and still need me to cover u

u think who i'm? god?

SCHOOL'S ON for me

even its NEW YEAR'S EVE AND NEW YEAR!

ask u to be here for one meeting

is it really that hard?

THNK LAH PLS
how tired i'm

how shag i'm

school everyday

MY HOMEWORK STILL NOT DONE!

u have time to go out and have fun

ever think of me?

think of how i feel?

if u're tired i'm even more tired.

Promises are meant to be broken.

i dont feel like sleeping now:(

and i cant sleep

YAYAYAYAY!

christmas is here!

which means no sch for 4 days straight:D

reached home arnd 1 plus in the morning haha

went timbre with many ppl and i'm the only one 17

which means no alcohol for me

but i drank abit:D

not nice one

after that sit there everyone talk den go home

FUNFUN!:D

NINJA ASSASSIN!

Everything's back haunting me again.

change my heart and brain please

yay! i had great fun these few days

really is a PERFECT GETAWAY!~

i felt so relaxed

with everything off my mind:DD

played majong all the way till 530am

my cousins are all asleeped by now

i'm going off to slp now too!:)

yesterday night was super hard to slp

eyes super pain even till now

the thing just keeps on going in my head

i just cant stop thinking about it

but nvm..

morning woke up

and it RAINED!!!!!

which means

training is CANCELLED....

i'm very very very happy today!:D

had alot of funnnnn!!!!!

at least i felt so relax today

its like after so long

free from all troubles everything

totally off

super shiok!

morning met XX Serene Jaw YiQi

duno why chuenhui and his cousin end up watching with us

but nvm

watched avatar3D!

SUPER NICE!

i want to watch again!!!!!!!

super love the place inside the movieee

after that...

went to have super nice douhua<3

and i made a stupid joke

but nvm still enjoyed myself:)

finish eating den to LAN!!!

my first time there!

they taught me how to play

killing ZOMBIES AFTER ZOMBIES

we were making alot of noise here and there shouting and shouting<333

its really damn fun

a total diff world

i want to go there again!

yay!

i really really really feel like saying it all out

all these things that u've done

its just too much

too much that i can take

the thing is

but i cant

i really cant

because i know i'm not supposed to

because i know no one would believe me

no one would want to believe wad i said thanks to u

continue spreading rubbish and dont try to use me as a channel

as u know after yr testing

i aren't capable of it

U MADE ME USED THE WORD ON U,

I DIDNT WANTED TO...

Yes today i found out one more thing

its not funny to try spreading rumours that i am a gossiper or wad

and your EXPERIMENT WASNT A SUCCESS

so STOP trying to prove stupid things

wad a prank huh

tell me that CH likes myfren

expect me to spread to everyone huh?

so did yr plan succeed??

funny right?
no one ever mention it

wad a bet

F*** YOU LAH
i'm really pissed

STOP YR NONSENSE AND TRY TO ACT GOOD IN FRONT OF ME

wad did u tell everyone

say i am a gossiper

which can spread rumours around well right?

i think U ARE THE ONE!

u think u're that good

go to hell lah

u think this is a good way to test?

sabo-ing yr GOOD FREN???

F U lah

STOP BETTING WITH OTHER PPL!

u think by telling me that a prank that u make up about CH liking her its funny?

u hope that i would go around telling other ppl?

HAHA! too bad for you then

i know u think that i'm a person that cant be trusted

thats wad U and YOU YOURSELF who thinks so only

stop making other ppl believeing u huh

u not some holy GOD or waD

come on lah

did anyone heard about wad CH like IY?

NO RIGHT?!

SO U GO TO HELL LAH

in the end i'm still a toy for everyone....

trg almost killed me today

had a very very bad stomach ache after trg today

cant even walk

zzz

today one more of my good fren went overseas

everyone is overseas

oh man...........

if u're here to comment on everything that i wrote on my blog

i would rather u not seeing anything.

everytime when its time to go home

i will feel like staying out a lil' more

even its just 1 hour 1 min or 1 sec

really

home is like hell to me

because u nv know when will the next scolding comes and go

when will they be nice and not nice

very unpredictable

sometimes i just wish that i'm just a normal student in school

with little commitments

enjoying my jc life everyday...

but thats nv possible now...

my god! please save me!

zzzz

i wrote there WHAT I WRITE MIGHT NOT BE TRUE!

read again before u say anything.

and pls i am NOT telling the whole world

nobody ask u to follow my blog

if u dont want an access to it i can remove it

and HONESTLY the only ppl that has access to this blog has

ONLY 3 PERSON!!!!!!

YOU AGNES AND HONGYU

and for yr info he's away from SG

no other ppl read it

so i didnt tell the whole world about this

i just write wad i feel

and its YOUR blog that is telling the whole world now not mine

"you are here to comment n push all the blame to us...like you are the good guy and we are the bad guy..telling everyone who have access to your blog that I'm so EVIL & BAD"

because i know i have no one that i can talk to.

this is the only place that i can vent my anger on.

and wad blame did i push onto you all

and wad am i the good guy and you all are the bad guy?

and at the start of the year i didnt want to left u out

i know i have been sitting arnd with agnes and gang

and i had told agnes that u dint want to come sit with us

even though i tried to ask u to

u explained that u were always with adelene because u dont want her to be alone

so I DID NOT LEFT U OUT ON PURPOSE!

you didnt wanted to join us for whatever reason i dont know

its not about taking things away ok

the problem is that do anyone of u trust me?

i know there's reflection to be done upon myself

and there's some misinterpretation of things that has been said b/w u and agnes

and for one thing i'm very very sure of is that

I DID NOT SAID THAT U SNATCH MY BF OR WHATSOEVER

and the thing that u said made me feel so hurt is that

that time when we were clarifying things

u said that

did i realise that i've been the talker and u have been the listener for all these years?

its like if u dont want to listen to my probs u can just say it right into my face instead of using it as a defending part when it comes to sorting things out

and this blogging IS THE ONLY place where i can say out everything that i feel or think

when there is no one to talk to

i nv intend to start out a blog war or wadever

and if i dont act as if nothing happen

and be ok with u

u want a scene whr we start quarreling out of no where?

u dont have to follow my blog if u dont want to

just tell me so

why use it as something to quarrel over?

just tell me i can remove yr access to it

and all these is just meant to be written when i'm upset

and i already said that those things that i wrote might not be true

i dont know wad else is there to say

but everything just seemed so messed up now

i need someone to lead me the right way

out of all these mess

and i dk is it obvious or is it that i'm thinking too much

everytime i tried to talk to the both of u

its like just non seems interested

replies were always short

and this just tells me that u all are just being careful towards me and that everything that i explained the last time nonn of u believed it

and may think that i'm a schemer or so

and if u could tell me wads my prob?

and i said if u think that its not true can just feel free to msg me and i mentioned at least 2 times that all those things might not be true its just wad i think

yay! today went out had fun!

i wish everyday was like that

ate astons

watched PLANET51:)

i'll be waiting for u to come back

and to some bitches out there..

if u seriously feels that i'm a flirt den go ahead spreading rumours

continue to be jealous..

if u feel better by doing so...

continue i wont stop u!

clarify things from the guys first ok?

pls

i dont flirt

its basic courtesy to reply ppl when they talk to u

didnt yr parents teach u that?

if there didnt then i think u should learn it like NOW!

i really wonders why cant we be like others..

even if its just the 3 of us are frens i dont mind...

3 still can be very good frens..

but now seriously

if u're just making use of me den forget it..

u said u are rushing for time yr relatives are at yr house...

but u can afford to wait there for me to come and hlp u settle the prob

and after everything is settled you just went off

cant even wait for a few more mins so that we can walk to the station tgt

why?

and if u dont believe me that i told her u cant work like 1 week b4 its yr prob

theres nth i can do if u dont trust me

i was there i tried to talk to u

and the way u react to me was like WTF?!

if u dont treat me as yr fren anymore den just tell me so i can disappear from yr life

if this is the way u're going to treat me I DONT NEED A FREN LIKE YOU!!!!!!

and u think money can buy u frens?

den continue to be naive...

this is wad i think it might not be true

but i'm just expressing myself

afterall this is a free world!

if u manage to come across this post anything that u thnk its not true just feeel free to msg me

its not me wanting to be bitchy but i really cant stand it anymore

if u're just making use of me den stay away from me

and stop taking advantage of me..

i tried to make u frens with agnes and now see what happens

u took away everything from me...

leaving me with no frens

so u think u're a good fren worthy enuf to be my fren?

u wont look for me unless u need me...

take this holiday for example.

u nv msg me or call me at all

and the only time u called me was about the pay!

and we're like best frens for 2-3 years?

u had nv treat me so well so as to buy things for me

unless there is some special occasion

and i seriously thinks that

the way u tried to reply my sms is still that fake like u're forced to reply me nicely

afraid that i would be unhappy with u agn ( u can say that i am just trying to find prob with u but seriously i already said i am just typing wad i think and it might not be true )

and i am very sure that u kept buying things for agnes because u're afraid to lose her as a fren

and u want her to think that u 're the only one good to her

u're afraid that i might be closer to her den u do..

u can nv be trusted...

u betrayed me how many times?

continue to buy things for her...

let me tell u

U HAVE WON THE BATTLE!

are u happy???

i'm sure u do.

i'm not as rich as u guys to go have good food everytime...

so u can continue buying things for her making her feel that you're the best

GO AHEAD!

i'm not as capable as u

i dont have such a good life like u!

thanks for taking everything away from me

thanks for making me felt so bad

u think i want to be so emo in sch

let me tell u the feelings really sucks

thanks to u alright?

do u feel proud of what u've done?

u've made3 such a great impact in my jc life..

thanks for hurting me so much.

go on tell the whole world about this i dont give a damn...

i had enuf

10/12/2009

10dec

went for orientation meeting in the morning..

i still have loads of orientation meetings to attend for the rest of the holidays..

damn...

holiday= no holiday

planned to go down to outram park to get my pay...

msged ingyen asking her to go tgt...

she told me to...

but she was on her way there already..

so had to go myself...

left school 140pm..

trained down to outram park..

on the way there..

ingyen called...

saying that tcc didnt pay us correctly...

so she waited for me there...

after clarifying things...

she went off first..

den i went down to cathay to watch storm riders!

its super nice!:D

walked around in orchard..

and one guy was doing some proj or wad

he said he need to get rejected-.-

so he pretend to ask me something and i was to say no...

so help-ed him...

and homed

9dec

skip training and mr wong was damn angry with me...

he talks about commitment to me

when i seriously think that the whole team only me and aaron are the commited ones.

so zzz-.-

so nvm i enjoyed my day!

went sky tower and had sakae buffet for dinner!

8/12/2009

8dec

glen tried to prank jason and plan failed.

so too bad.

To think i have such a unworthy fren..

i finally know this dark side of u

after knowing u for so many yrs...(not refering to glen)

nice one thanks alot.

i dk if u really forgot or just didnt want to tell me.

do let it be

i got nth to lose

What is love?

What is care?

What is concern?

What are friends?

What is a family like?

What can i do?
What are true friends?

What have i done wrong?

What is happiness?

....

....

....

someone please enlighten me.

I hate copycats,

and there is one huge one that is with me almost everyday,

sometimes taking things away from me.

yes, i've tried everything i could,

but its still the same,

maybe i should just give up and forget it.

who doesn't want to have friends, have family who are around to them to care for them to love them?

"if u cant change the world, den change yrself!"

wad crap is this?

i dont believe in it.

My leg is ugly nw LOL

16 Nov 2009

why? why does it seems like you're forever trying to take away everything that i have from me?

i am afraid i will have nothing left.

look at wad i have now.

do i have alot?

i seems like i do.

but deep down if u know me well enuf u will know i dont.

i have many many frens, but how many is my best frens that i can trust?

i have a position that many ppl wants, but do i have respect from ppl?

i look like i am happy, but how many ppl really knows me?

i look like i have nothing to worry about, but who notices that i'm like getting more and more emo day by day?

i look like i have everything i want i have a wonderful life to many ppl, but do u really know me?

think again.

i dont like the feeling of being emo.

but this feeling just gets stronger everyday.

i dont know why u seems to be here everytime to take away everything that i have

i dont know wad i'm going to lose next

but i know in the end everything will becomes yrs

but pls let me off this once.

dont take everything away from me.

please i beg u...

15/11/2009

Dear DIARY,

i've been busy for the past few days, working everyday, hardly have anytime for myself. i also haven been replying everyone's msg. lols. coz of the apec thing, everyone has been working their ass out. i feel super shag now, even though the job was easy going for this few days.

i have a blister broken on my ankle, it bleeds. lols. stupid shoes! i want to get one w/o heels but was unable to get one soon enuf. need time for shopping. school's starting tmr, trg 640am in the morning-.- dont feel like going but i have no choice.

today's work was fun! i got to try how champange( dont know how to spell ) taste like. after drinking, my stomach's burning! haha tour around the hotel but didnt get to visit the rooms:( but nvm i am satisfied because i finally get to see the pool i always wanted to see:)

i had mos burger for dinner. saw farid and frens at cwp. homed. i feel so emo now. no idea why. so dont ask me.

i dont know why so many responsibilities have been placed on me. i'm not yr captain but i'm covering up all his duties, why? and it seems more like i'm the captain rather den him. i'm tired. got to plan for xc camp tmr when its not my duty to it its the captain's job but i've got no choice:(

this coming week is gonna be a really tough week for me, can i cope? i dont know but i need alot of support and help, but whr can i get it from? pls tell me! oh god! Save me pls!

Pei Qi

OP's over, my energies used up

sometimes i really think that am i blessed or not for having many good frens that are guys

coz they are always the ones that are always there to help me

give me hope

but sometimes also becauce of this ppl says that i am flirt

ppl get jealous over this kind of stupid things

anyway

at this moment now

i feel abit better

i realised that i still have frens who cares

who are willing to help and listen to me

i really appreciate it

but some things just cant be helped

doing well in sports is nothing

NOTHING

coz i am not a pro

i'm not a national runner or wadsoever

so

it cant be used in future

If only...

IF ONLY..

i can do as well in my school work...

5november2009

today was a total sucky day

reached school at 830

only aneesh was here

tot that we are going to do op today

ended up wasting our time

and my PW grp sucks BIG TIME!

why wasn't i given a second chance?

i've put in so much effort

and as yr know i didnt even prepare for the first presentation because i was doing the proposal slides!

u know how tough it is to do it

3 of u are doing it and yr are still complaining

ever think of how i feel when i 'm doing everything by myself?

when i asked for help no one helped

i felt so helpless

and all yr know was to critisize my slide

i know it sucks dont have to say it so many times

if you're scared that ppl dont uds den do it yr self!

mr seetoh was willing to let me try again

but it seems that all of u are so unhappy about it

i've done nothing wrong

looking at all the hard work, time, and sweat i've put in

and now everything goes back to normal

do u know how much it hurts?

i guessed u dont coz u have not tried it before

and

thanks for rubbing more salt on my wound yeah?

do yr know how many times i felt like crying todaY?

wad do yr treat me as?

rubbish bin ? or some one that yr can make use of?

before presentation nobody wants to do the proposal part

i agreed to do it

i put in so much effort

mr seetoh says i'm not good enough i agree

i wanted to change

i've improved

ur have seen it

but why?

now that he says its the most impt part

ur just took it away like that???

asked me thrice

i said i wanted to try it out for the second time

if really cant i am willing to give everything to yr

but U asked yr fren to come talk to me

i know i'm not good enuf

why do u have to do that

since yr badly wanted me to stop doing proposal

i gave it up

den yr were afraid of getting scolded by see toh

yr asked me to take it back

wad is this?

i am not yr toy

I am gonna screw up my whole OP and die

i am also human too

i have my feelings

i really felt like crying

and do u know how many times i had cried coz of pw?

2min speech u want me to drag till 5mins?

how naive all of u are

its hard trying to smile in fron of ppl

its hard for someone to be good in everything

why dont yr give me a chance to prove that i can do it?

and u

u said u cant afford to waste time on me

and i said msg me at night

study 1st

and u sound so pissed

wad is it exactly u want

i'm starting to feel that i'm not the right one for u...

my daddy thinks that i want to cheat in an exam for writing things on cue cards

almost got scolded

maybe to him i am such a person

maybe

who knows?

yes

now i know

know that i shouldn't be so stupid anymore

i should just get on with life

and i shouldn't even waste my time on ppl who dont appreciate me

its not worth it

getting upset over all these stupid things

but it cant be controlled

now i know how much i really meant

i waited ytd

waited for 3 hrs so that we can all go off tgt

but i didnt know that yr went off

off to gelare

fun huh

enjoy den

i wont be so stupid anymore

i wont be waiting

its a WASTE of my time

haha

3hours wad a joke!

因为我太傻

因为我太笨

i shouldnt have waited

yr just left without a sound

its all repeating its all back to the start

maybe all good things at the beginning will still turn out bad

so forget it

hope that tmr nv comes

no one will understand the way i feel now...

the feeling sucks..

just so complicated that i dk how the hell to describe...

i think i'll go mad one day if this continues...

i'm not a good leader

not a good fren

not a good daughter

and maybe not a good gf

JUST NOT GOOD ENUF

and i never will

Less freedom

More assumptions

Less concern

More Requirements

Less respect

Limited abilities

What should I do now?

WHAT can i do now?

I myself don't even know how i am feeling now.

It's 10000000........X worst then being sad-.-

its all mixed up

=( =( =( =( =(

i dont want ppl to think that wad i have gt today is bcos of that...

If you think you've alot of good frens in this sch,

den continue to be naive.

If you think that you're that great,

let me tell you,

you're NOT!

If you don't show me any respect,

I DON'T see the point in showing you respect anymore.

If you think that our class if a fucked up class,

and our school is a fucked up school,

then why stay?

GET OUT then...

Before YOU start calling other ppl bitch fuckers or bastards,

don't you yrself think that you are the greatest example?

what a joke a fucker bastard going around calling ppl his name?

If you said you really cared about the captain position and NOT the fame,

then i think you are seriously lying.

please take a look in the mirror before YOU start commenting on other ppl,

look at yr darn sucky attitude!

NOTHING good comes out off yr mouth.

WHO would wanna respect you?

SO PLEASE THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK

if you think that whole world has to do things yr way,

then get out of this world and start another yourself.

yeah?

hope 100000000000000000000...... ulcers grow in yr mouth until u cnt talk...

FAT ASS!!!! ahahahahahahahahahhaaa

i duno if i had made the right decision...

it took me very long to consider passing that letter to u...

THIS is how i feel now...

zzzzz....

i can fall asleep even with everything that i'm doing..

my brain's functioning slowly or even not functioning...
i need a BREAK!

too many things to do too little time

had 3hrs of mt today...

and the best part is my MT results sucks seriously...

wonder how i'm going to survive alevel mt exam...

i have to learn to complain less,

and thanks others more...

maybe i should learn how to be more open-minded,

and be grateful for what i have..

because i know i still have many good friends:)

i shall not read too much in to things anymore..

learnt to be more ignorant

because...

ignorance is bliss:D

maybe i should care lesser about what others think about me..

just be who i wanna be..

i'll try and change...

GET WELL SOON, my dear BRO!!!!!!!!!

The first time I felt so unwanted by you was the times when you were with JJ. He hit me because of you and right in front of you and you did nothing about it. Remember why? I guess u have already forgot about this incident...

And In Sec4, I admit that I am sometimes super unhappy because there are a lot of times when you just walked away with ChoonHan without saying anything to me. After school you would just leave with him. Some of the times, I didn’t even know you left, and I was still looking for you, until someone tells me that you had already went off. Every time I see you walking out of the class with him, not even saying anything to me, I feel so useless, it’s like I’m someone that is just so insignificant, or maybe just some one for you when there’s no others for you to turn to. Even during lunch, you would say you don’t want to eat, when I say I want to go downstairs to eat, you will say that you’re lazy. So, I had to go alone, I seriously don’t like the feeling of being lonely. And there was once when I came back to class you were not there, but went down to had ice-cream with him, even after you told me that you are lazy to go downstairs. I felt so hurt.

There are times when I text you, you never replied me, but you replied the others. I don’t know why this is so. Honestly, I have tried asking XJ and Edwin to msg you to see if you replied them, every time you replied them and never replied me. At that time, I felt so pissed, it’s like I am so unimportant to you. I made this known to you a number of times then you finally replied me. But your replies are still so different from how you replied the others. The reply you gave me are always one word long or maybe longest a few words. I really don’t understand why its just so different. Even until today, the way you message me is still so different from how u msged the others. This year, there was once we were going to watch movie during June holidays, you were at Adelene’s house and Philo was with me, we msged you and the replies we got are just so different. You repliedonly 1 or 2 of my msges and u stopped replying, but u replied him so many more, I saw the way u msged him, its like so different from mine, I don’t know why you cant reply me the same way also. Maybe it’s just so different I guess. I don’t understand I seriously don’t. Why?

we are just so different from others...

i am tired of

repeating the

everything

over and

overagain

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRIEND!:)

...life sucks...

...everything sucks...

...yeah?...

You can't take back the words you said.

You can't undo what you have done,

what's done is done, don't regret.

Everything has changed,

you can't get back what you have lost,

because I have decided that i shall not repeat the cycle anymore.

That's course I'm tired.

Tired of trying.

At least I'm better with the way things are going now:)

because I have choose to live with people who accept me for who I'm.

i hope everything will be fine now...

at least with my frens..

if u dont appreciate wad i do for u den there's no point being frens anymore i guess..

School sucks..

and everything sucks...

is this wad i called frens..

now

i am NOT the ONLY ONE that thinks you 2 doesnt treat us like frens..

i dunno wad u all want!

i dunno how u all feel!

HEY LOOK!

i am a human too

no difference from the both of you..

i do have feelings...

but do your treat me like one?

i am NOT a robot!...

i am tired of trying..

trying so HARD!

trying so so so hard to start a conversation with both of you...

but what yr do is just reply for the sake of replying!..

just tell me wads wrong..

wads the prob???

if u 2 dont say i wont know anything..

then there's really nothing i can do...

just tell me i am tired of guessing..

and this is not the first time your treat me this way...

i have tried everything that i could...

i'm exhausted..

i'm tired...

when yr got no one to go to then come to me...

u threw yr bags on our table and went off to sat at the other table to have fun with some other guys, u 2 came back took yr bag and walk off, just like that??

how will u feel when yr frens went off quiely behind u w/o even saying a simple goodbye???

the cycle repeats

i am tired of everything...

i really feel like just giving everything up...

but do yr know how hard it is when i treat yr as real good frens?

and when yr treat me like that its enough

why do yr want to treat sky like that too?

are yr brainless?

LOW EQ?
cant u see that she is very moody recently...

alot of things happened but do yr know?

do yr even cared?

is this wad i called frens?

yr didnt help her but now ignore her like that too..

just so heartless..

i'm speechless...

i seriously dont uds wad is going on!

tell me why!

everything just seems to come crashing down on me..

so many things to do

so little time...

so many responsibilities...

so many things to worry about...

so many things have been happening..

everything's so confusing...

i am tired...

i really hope the time would really stop...

even for a few second i am contented..

i really need some time off from school..

i am really really tired..

if i'm given just 1 day..

or even just 1 hr to be free from all these things

i would be so grateful...

to my dear girl, cheer up please i dun wanna see u so sad everyday...u got to get over her...she's not worth yr love at all..seeing u so helpless there's really nothing i can do...u gt to be strong! mid course is the most important thing now...i want u to go thru my jc life with me=)

i dont need frens like your!

:)

all pretenders...

If i dont say anything doesnt mean i dont care

dont get overboard..

u 'll know me when i cant take it..

stop all this rubbish if u dont trust wad i say why ask?

if u dont trust wad i say den dont suan me

dont talk to me

get the hell OUTTA my LIFE!

i wont know if u're can be trusted or not..

only god knows and u know...

-i shall start STUDYING hard tmr!

(but i doubt it will be hard haha)

its yr promise to me, make me proud of you!=D

my mind just cant stop thinking..

that stupid irritating feeling just wont go away...

i hate it..

i am trying hard..

very hard to stop thinking about it..

but i cant help it..

pls tell me wad i can do..

i know u have your reason for lying to me...

thats why i decided to forgive u..

it pains me too when i see that u feel guilty for wad u have done..

but its not entirely your fault either...

i cant control my emotions well now..

at least for the time being..

i need time..

time to get over this...

i know before this incident you trust her..

trust her so much...

and it really made me thinks that u trust her more den u trust me..

but with all the assurance u gave me..

i cant help but to trust u once again...

i hope u wont let me down again...

Something today really made me go, ROF(L) But Not Laughing. Get a life seriously, and act like a 17 since youre one, instead of some juvenile though you look like one. I dont feel sorry for being blunt, even if youre my friend's girl. Cause for a matter of fact, i dont really care bout your identity. For the things you've done in the past, i didnt wanna comment much since they didnt involve me but not so this time round. If you really think its funny joking with everyone around you and things like this, get this clear, its not. Maybe some people may think its cute and funny, but i dont. I seriously dont.

the after effect of this incident is still here..

i dont like the feeling..

i still feel very unhappy about this..

i know u didnt do all this intentionally..

i know its not entirely your fault..

i am the one who should bear the greatest responsibility about this incident...

i shouldnt be so childish...

i should really learn to be more mature..

i shouldnt play with this kind of things..

i am really sorry..

i dont know wad u have heard of me to give u some bad impression about me..

but i dont do this things coz i think its funny or even think is cute..

maybe u think that i'm such a person..

but i am not..

i do it coz of plain playfulness...

AND nth else...

i know i offended u first but dont judge me when u duno me well..

i am still trying...

15/07/2009

at first gal A told me that she feels tt gal B is very unfriendly...

and i tried to make them talk to each other..

coz i tot it would be good to form a larger clinque...

and thus more fun!....

but i was wrong very wrong...

i shouldnt have done it...

now i really regret what i have done...

i should not have told u tt she's not as bad as u think...

and she will be better when u kinow her long enuf...

i should not have told u so so so much...

i really regret..

maybe this is what i brought upon myself...

i really think that i should not have done all these..

if i didnt do so, i will be much happier today...

BUT now...

the outcome was so diff from what i wanted..

now Gal A and B become so close tt both of them almost ignored me..

they was so preoccupied with each other..

everytime when i tried to talk to A she wont be listening to me...

i had to repeat myself for a few more times until she gets wad i say...

i aam tired of repeating myself everytime i talk to her...

i am trying not to care so much anymore...

u want to talk to me or not its up to you...

and gal B was even better...

i really dk what she wants from me..

i am totally clueless!..

pls tell me what u want?

when i am close to gal C u came and u become closer to her...

making me felt so left out...

and after tt i decided to move on and found a new fren which is galA then u are back here agn..

taking her away frm me...

i really dk why!....

i am tired i just dont wanna care anymore...

u all cn do wad u all like...

i hate this feeling...

i hate being left out..

i dont feel like caring about anything tt all of u wanna do anymore...

i dunwan to be a leech either...

so pls just stop it...

give me a break...

just leave me alone...

i had enuf of these...

i think i can suvive better on my own..

at least i wont have to feel left out...

i am really really scared of tt felling...

so pls spare me...

my teddy is still the best...

14july2009

i woke up in the morning and found tt i have gt sore eyes..

went to sch and was stopped by tr at the gate...

they wanted to send me home but in the end they didnt..

just asked a few qn like do u have cough flu or fever...=.=

time passes real slow during lectures...

everytime i look at the clock only a few mins difference..

ppl in my class are getting more and more hardworking..

except me..

i have got lots of work to catch up on but i am still slacking..

i know i shouldnt but i really have gt no mood to study...

i have no mood to have fun in sch no mood to talk..

i have been doing my own things during the whole of econs lesson...

drawing all over my paper..

and see how pathetic my econs test is 4/45...

haha what a joke...

I still have lots of work to complete...

i reached home and no one was at home..

nobody told me tt they wont be home tt early...

i called my sis and she shouted at me...

she doesnt want to come home and open the door for me..

she ask me to just go somewhere until everyone goes home...

whr's her respect for me?

i dk...

i dont know wads wrong...

sch just dont feel the same as before anymore...

i used to enjoy sch but now i dont..

i rather stay home the whole day and rot...

why is it tt she's always the one who wants to take everything away frm me??

i duno if she's still the fren tt i use to know in sec2..

everything just seem so different..

she really make me feels very left out..

i think i shld just leave everyone alone and do things my own way..

maybe this is the best choice for me now..

i am tired...

learned how to play golf to day..didnt really enjoy much..

after tt went bball-ing...yAy-ness!!!=D

den home-ed...

i sometimes really dont know why u want to do these...

it makes me think if u're just treating me a backup person or wad...

its like when u have frens u dont care about me at all...

but when u couldnt find someone to accompany u,

u will den look for me...

just telll me what u're thinking..

i am tired of guessing...

i sent u an sms asking u out for bball but u didnt reply me at all,

when u know tt i hate ppl who doesnt reply my sms-es..

i was waiting for yr reply but u nv did...

but u could go out for bball-ing with other guys...

but why???

cn u tell me why??

13july2009

didnt do very well for my summer test...

so far only passed 2 subjects...

and i failed my maths!..

gonna get it from daddy and mummy after ptm...

but for now i shld just enjoy myself 1st...:)

THXS PPL FOR GIVING ME SUCH A WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY!

i really enjoyed tt few days after summer test..

really had lots of fun..

the 1st week of sch after summer test just ended...

many things happened..

i have gt surprise...

have gt unhappy thing happening too...

but its now solved i think..

hopefully bah...

11days:)

i will be counting down...

Had GP and chinese paper today...

paper was okay didnt study for it...

sometimes i really wonder...
is what i always think true?
i thought i hav found new frens..
better frens in my present sch...
i tot life would be much happier here...
am i wrong?

or is it fated that i cant make a fren of the same sex that i can really trust?
why do ppl always do the similar things to me?
is it my attitude prob?
or is there something wrong with me?
can somebody just tell me?

maybe for all these times i am bluffing myself
i am going to have fun in this sch...
have new and better frens..
but i was wrong
totally wrong!
i really duno wad i shld do now...

maybe my mummy was right
that i wanst as smart as my bro..
wasnt as sharp as my sister..
i finally uds wad she said to me..
i think i am really a big blur idiot..

there's no one i can trust...
maybe there is...
but i just cant make myself trust them totally..
i dunwan to repeat the same mistake that i have made so many times...
even an idiot also would knw when to stop...

i am really trying very hard to be happy...
but...
somethings just doesnt allow me to...
is there really such things called "true friends"?

maybe wad my mummy always say is right..........

PeiQi is unhappy now! =(

BYE!

maybe i thought too much..

i am uncertain of how u feel now..

i shld stop myself from falling further for now...

why dun u just tell me how u feel?

tell me what i think about u was right?

had fun playing hide-and-seek with trs during the 2 nights staying in the hostel=X

didnt noe i gt such great frens until ytd night=D

i really think that i hav made the right choice for coming to IJ

i will rmb tt particular night forever...

went for movie ytd with tavin ingyen jason and philo

watched terminator salvation..

totally dun uds wad the movie is about..

Slacked frm morning till now...

dont feel like doing anything...

mummy has been shouting and screaming for the whole morning...

now she's out...:D

i'm alone in my room now...

super peaceful...

i am going to be bored to death soon...

feel like doing some revision...

but no mood to do it...

so just use com...

to kill time