What is love?

What is care?

What is concern?

What are friends?

What is a family like?

What can i do?
What are true friends?

What have i done wrong?

What is happiness?

....

....

....

someone please enlighten me.

I hate copycats,

and there is one huge one that is with me almost everyday,

sometimes taking things away from me.

yes, i've tried everything i could,

but its still the same,

maybe i should just give up and forget it.

who doesn't want to have friends, have family who are around to them to care for them to love them?

"if u cant change the world, den change yrself!"

wad crap is this?

i dont believe in it.

My leg is ugly nw LOL

16 Nov 2009

why? why does it seems like you're forever trying to take away everything that i have from me?

i am afraid i will have nothing left.

look at wad i have now.

do i have alot?

i seems like i do.

but deep down if u know me well enuf u will know i dont.

i have many many frens, but how many is my best frens that i can trust?

i have a position that many ppl wants, but do i have respect from ppl?

i look like i am happy, but how many ppl really knows me?

i look like i have nothing to worry about, but who notices that i'm like getting more and more emo day by day?

i look like i have everything i want i have a wonderful life to many ppl, but do u really know me?

think again.

i dont like the feeling of being emo.

but this feeling just gets stronger everyday.

i dont know why u seems to be here everytime to take away everything that i have

i dont know wad i'm going to lose next

but i know in the end everything will becomes yrs

but pls let me off this once.

dont take everything away from me.

please i beg u...

15/11/2009

Dear DIARY,

i've been busy for the past few days, working everyday, hardly have anytime for myself. i also haven been replying everyone's msg. lols. coz of the apec thing, everyone has been working their ass out. i feel super shag now, even though the job was easy going for this few days.

i have a blister broken on my ankle, it bleeds. lols. stupid shoes! i want to get one w/o heels but was unable to get one soon enuf. need time for shopping. school's starting tmr, trg 640am in the morning-.- dont feel like going but i have no choice.

today's work was fun! i got to try how champange( dont know how to spell ) taste like. after drinking, my stomach's burning! haha tour around the hotel but didnt get to visit the rooms:( but nvm i am satisfied because i finally get to see the pool i always wanted to see:)

i had mos burger for dinner. saw farid and frens at cwp. homed. i feel so emo now. no idea why. so dont ask me.

i dont know why so many responsibilities have been placed on me. i'm not yr captain but i'm covering up all his duties, why? and it seems more like i'm the captain rather den him. i'm tired. got to plan for xc camp tmr when its not my duty to it its the captain's job but i've got no choice:(

this coming week is gonna be a really tough week for me, can i cope? i dont know but i need alot of support and help, but whr can i get it from? pls tell me! oh god! Save me pls!

Pei Qi

OP's over, my energies used up

sometimes i really think that am i blessed or not for having many good frens that are guys

coz they are always the ones that are always there to help me

give me hope

but sometimes also becauce of this ppl says that i am flirt

ppl get jealous over this kind of stupid things

anyway

at this moment now

i feel abit better

i realised that i still have frens who cares

who are willing to help and listen to me

i really appreciate it

but some things just cant be helped

doing well in sports is nothing

NOTHING

coz i am not a pro

i'm not a national runner or wadsoever

so

it cant be used in future

If only...

IF ONLY..

i can do as well in my school work...

5november2009

today was a total sucky day

reached school at 830

only aneesh was here

tot that we are going to do op today

ended up wasting our time

and my PW grp sucks BIG TIME!

why wasn't i given a second chance?

i've put in so much effort

and as yr know i didnt even prepare for the first presentation because i was doing the proposal slides!

u know how tough it is to do it

3 of u are doing it and yr are still complaining

ever think of how i feel when i 'm doing everything by myself?

when i asked for help no one helped

i felt so helpless

and all yr know was to critisize my slide

i know it sucks dont have to say it so many times

if you're scared that ppl dont uds den do it yr self!

mr seetoh was willing to let me try again

but it seems that all of u are so unhappy about it

i've done nothing wrong

looking at all the hard work, time, and sweat i've put in

and now everything goes back to normal

do u know how much it hurts?

i guessed u dont coz u have not tried it before

and

thanks for rubbing more salt on my wound yeah?

do yr know how many times i felt like crying todaY?

wad do yr treat me as?

rubbish bin ? or some one that yr can make use of?

before presentation nobody wants to do the proposal part

i agreed to do it

i put in so much effort

mr seetoh says i'm not good enough i agree

i wanted to change

i've improved

ur have seen it

but why?

now that he says its the most impt part

ur just took it away like that???

asked me thrice

i said i wanted to try it out for the second time

if really cant i am willing to give everything to yr

but U asked yr fren to come talk to me

i know i'm not good enuf

why do u have to do that

since yr badly wanted me to stop doing proposal

i gave it up

den yr were afraid of getting scolded by see toh

yr asked me to take it back

wad is this?

i am not yr toy

I am gonna screw up my whole OP and die

i am also human too

i have my feelings

i really felt like crying

and do u know how many times i had cried coz of pw?

2min speech u want me to drag till 5mins?

how naive all of u are

its hard trying to smile in fron of ppl

its hard for someone to be good in everything

why dont yr give me a chance to prove that i can do it?

and u

u said u cant afford to waste time on me

and i said msg me at night

study 1st

and u sound so pissed

wad is it exactly u want

i'm starting to feel that i'm not the right one for u...

my daddy thinks that i want to cheat in an exam for writing things on cue cards

almost got scolded

maybe to him i am such a person

maybe

who knows?

yes

now i know

know that i shouldn't be so stupid anymore

i should just get on with life

and i shouldn't even waste my time on ppl who dont appreciate me

its not worth it

getting upset over all these stupid things

but it cant be controlled

now i know how much i really meant

i waited ytd

waited for 3 hrs so that we can all go off tgt

but i didnt know that yr went off

off to gelare

fun huh

enjoy den

i wont be so stupid anymore

i wont be waiting

its a WASTE of my time

haha

3hours wad a joke!

因为我太傻

因为我太笨

i shouldnt have waited

yr just left without a sound

its all repeating its all back to the start

maybe all good things at the beginning will still turn out bad

so forget it

hope that tmr nv comes

no one will understand the way i feel now...

the feeling sucks..

just so complicated that i dk how the hell to describe...

i think i'll go mad one day if this continues...

i'm not a good leader

not a good fren

not a good daughter

and maybe not a good gf

JUST NOT GOOD ENUF

and i never will

Less freedom

More assumptions

Less concern

More Requirements

Less respect

Limited abilities

What should I do now?

WHAT can i do now?

I myself don't even know how i am feeling now.

It's 10000000........X worst then being sad-.-

its all mixed up

=( =( =( =( =(

i dont want ppl to think that wad i have gt today is bcos of that...

If you think you've alot of good frens in this sch,

den continue to be naive.

If you think that you're that great,

let me tell you,

you're NOT!

If you don't show me any respect,

I DON'T see the point in showing you respect anymore.

If you think that our class if a fucked up class,

and our school is a fucked up school,

then why stay?

GET OUT then...

Before YOU start calling other ppl bitch fuckers or bastards,

don't you yrself think that you are the greatest example?

what a joke a fucker bastard going around calling ppl his name?

If you said you really cared about the captain position and NOT the fame,

then i think you are seriously lying.

please take a look in the mirror before YOU start commenting on other ppl,

look at yr darn sucky attitude!

NOTHING good comes out off yr mouth.

WHO would wanna respect you?

SO PLEASE THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK

if you think that whole world has to do things yr way,

then get out of this world and start another yourself.

yeah?

hope 100000000000000000000...... ulcers grow in yr mouth until u cnt talk...

FAT ASS!!!! ahahahahahahahahahhaaa

i duno if i had made the right decision...

it took me very long to consider passing that letter to u...

THIS is how i feel now...

zzzzz....

i can fall asleep even with everything that i'm doing..

my brain's functioning slowly or even not functioning...
i need a BREAK!

too many things to do too little time